Interpersonal Communication
The picture above shows the sequence of the Knapp Model of Relational Development.Knapp Model describes the progression and development of relationships as a series of 10 stages that is broken down into two parts.The first five stages is where two person come together and results in a bonded relationship.The Knapp Model is not linear and may regress to a previous stage or skip a stage.
This video above is a compilation of the scenes that a couple in a drama series called gossip girls, significantly going through the first 5 stages which is initiating, experimenting , intensifying , integrating and bonding.
In the first five stage, a couple basically would be so Overwhelmed by love that they can close one eyes to the problems that is beneath such as character differences, different social groups, different future plans and also different culture or belief.Although there are cases of relationships that never exceed the fifth stage which is bonding, but majority of couples over a span of time will agree that their relationship has crossed the first 5 stage.
The second stage is where the latter 5 stages and is the stage where a couple breaks apart or move apart.This stage consists of Differentiating, circumscribing, stagnating , avoiding and terminating.During this stage, a couple would encounter problems that they find it hard to compromise between one another. For instance, one party neglects the other for work often, this would result in the other party getting upset over it. In the first five stage, she or he may just overlook this problem.Both party in the stage will blame one another(self serving bias).
This video shows scenes from Gossip Girl that portrays scenes when a relationship starts to turn sour or complicated.
The video above is a good illustrator of the entire 10 stages that a relationship may face in reality in a systematic sequence.
As i learned the Knapp model, I pondered. Do relationships still can turn out successful when there is a leap stages? Does going too fast or too slow make termination of relationships happen.Will this affect the end product?. The ultimate question that i asked myself is whether there is a forever in a relationship?
If a relationship crosses the bonding stage or regression to the earlier stages of the Knapp Model, does it end up terminated? Where then are the fairy tales everyone hears of? Where are the Cinderella "happily ever afters".
If a relationship crosses the bonding stage or regression to the earlier stages of the Knapp Model, does it end up terminated? Where then are the fairy tales everyone hears of? Where are the Cinderella "happily ever afters".
In my opinion,the only way a relationship would not enter the second part of the Knapp's model and to maintain its ' perfection' is to repeat over and over again the first 5 stages itself . Love in a relationship will eventually fade somehow through experiences that are does not complement with perfection. Therefore, falling in love has to happen over and over again to keep it going. Loving the other party even if the person changed, or when they transform into a totally different person from the one you fell in love with and even when you almost do not see the sense in it anymore. Then again, how many cases that this happens? It seems that it only occur in fairy tales.
And face it,how many people's live are like fairy tales?
And face it,how many people's live are like fairy tales?
I agree with what you've posted!
ReplyDeleteIs there really 'forever' in relationships?
I doubt so. I believe in the word 'always' but not so in 'forever'.
Then again, the best proof of love is trust..
Yeah, the question does hit me at times whether there is a real forever in relationships. Whether love is for eternity between two partners.
ReplyDeleteIts hard to generalise this sort of questions as usually it does depend on the individuals.
Nevertheless, happy endings only happen if we ourselves make them happen ;)
Of course nothing lasts forever, but in a relationship, as long as both party tries to maintain, be honest and appreciates both party, a relationship can last :)
ReplyDeleteCommunication plays a big part in a relationship too :)
Hey, interesting point you have there about the need to repeat the first 5 stages in order to maintain the relationship. Yeah, time and again, there might just be that need to reignite 'why they fell in love in the first place' to rekindle the love.
ReplyDeleteHey good representation of the knapp model with the video! =)
ReplyDeleteI guessed fairytale does not exist since it is called a 'tale' like the name suggest it's fiction. Hence, happily ever after in my opinion may not happen most of the time.
Not being pessimistic but being realistic, it's hard to keep falling in love over and over again as one gets tired with the process.
As for "forever" in a relationship, it depends on how you view on it In terms of time? feelings? I think it differs with each aspect.
Some may agree and some may not.
ReplyDeleteI basically don't really agree because it varies in all different relationships.
I have family and friends whom they do really last forever.
It depends on every different person and characters themselves.
But of course communication plays an important part!
yes its true, that is why some relationship can maintain at the stage 5.However, many do fail and the only way to reignite that lovey dovey relationship is regress.:)
ReplyDeleteI like how you used the examples of the gossipgirl videos to illustrate the different stages of the Knapp Model. Many people relate to the different happenings in GossipGirl and with that, proves how the Knapp Model evidently works in real and also reel life.
ReplyDeleteI also agree that there might never be a real happily ever after or a forever in love. And with that, i do think it is true when you say that to maintain a relationship the constant falling in love again/ initializing stage has to happen.
Kudos on the post.
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ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteTrue true. Nigh impossible to fall for someone and expect it to last forever. From the loving, it will evolve to liking, and then becoming accustomed to the other party. L.O.V.E. is really a fairy tale thing.
ReplyDeleteSo most of the time, the model isn't really that good of a reference. It's just a theory after all.
P/S: the other posts looked kinda weird so i deleted them.
I think firstly that the model is flawed because it seems to be based on the false assumption that a relationship has to go through or can only be classified as being in one of the stages at any one point in time. For example, if a married couple has an argument, does that mean that they have regressed or moved to the "coming apart" stages. Not necessarily, I believe.
ReplyDeleteLet's assume, though, that the model is right just for argument's sake.
For a relationship to last, it doesn't need to keep going through the first five stages in a circle. It must, somehow, stick as close as possible to the Bonding stage.
The question now becomes HOW that couple is going to maintain being in that stage. I contend that the way to maintain being in that stage is not to keep rediscovering new things about your partner or having to fall in love again with him/her. You'd think that individuals married for 30 years or more have known everything there is to know about their partners and have re-fallen in love countless times, so much so that they get sick of it. And yet, we see perfect examples of relationships that last for 50-70 years.
Rather, I believe the way to ensure that the relationship stays in the Bonding stage is to ensure that the foundations of that relationship (love, trust etc) build up and the criterion that we have for our partners (distance, amount of time spent together etc) are maintained through the years. If those foundations and criterion are not present/met from the very beginning of the "coming together" stages, the relationship will crumble.
This, of course, is extremely difficult. And yet, I believe that we should take comfort in the fact that it is possible and not something limited to fairytales and Notebooks. :)
Okay I just wrote one heck of a comment.
Yeah Jenny, i agree that in life there are many cases that people live up till that long together.
ReplyDeleteand certainly that bonding has to occur over and over again .or maybe you may say the first 5 steps should takes its role again.
thanks for the posts guys!
Gossip girl! Awesome. Very relatable video. By taking the Knapp model like that into consideration, it really makes relationships seem so Step-by-Step! Not that it's bad, but then it makes me wonder also if it were that 'easy', then it'd be easier for like what you mentioned, 'fairytale endings'. Really interesting take on the Knapp model!
ReplyDeleteevery relationship differs in its development. i guess, the difference between fairy tales and reality is that in reality, no relationship is smooth sailing. In fact, many may argue that this reality that no relationship is ever so smooth sailing is the reason which strengthen their relationships. take for example, the occasional disagreement or quarrel that would take place in a relationship, it is then up to the two parties concerned to sort it out and decide whether it is going to bring them closer or apart.
ReplyDeletefairy tales are really nice if they could turn into reality, but more often than not, it is unrealistic.
i feel that when relationships are concerned, mutual loving is indeed important. However, commitment is the one that does the maintenance. feelings may fade, but commitment is a matter of choice. 'forever' depends on the willingness of both parties to stay commited and love each other. It is often a painful and rewarding process that is not as easy as it would seem in fairy tales.